In this life, I’ve learned that nobody can never make you cry. Even our family can hurt us at times, the way i feel when my father passed away. But we are never left without any choice at all for we can choose the people who deserve our tears–they’re the next best things. They’re worth the pain.
He is worth these pains. The thing about him is he knows how to get me. He knows the right words to say to win me back. I thought last night is going to be the end of what we are and what we have. I thought the exclusive world that we have is going to collide and tear us apart with a very bad ending. I don’t know how a simple sorry from him can change everything.
He said, “Kung gi-kapoy na ka then let go.”
With that line alone, I was shattered into pieces. I am always vocal on how I feel. That moment, I did say how his words hurt me. It made me sadder when he sounded as if he doesn’t care at all. I never thought he’d be that inconsiderate given the situation. I’ve been very nice to him, and even tried to understand him along the way. But how come, with just one instance of not being there on time, he doesn’t merit me even a little understanding. I never intended it to happen. I wanted to prove him that I deserve the second chance that he has given me after I kept him waiting at the terminal. It just happened that something bad came up, and it was out of my control. He was so unfair of his judgment.
I thought he has never seen my effort. I felt really bad. I am not familiar with the place. He doesn’t even know how afraid I was, being in an unfamiliar place all by myself. I conquered my fear for the sole reason that I want to see him. I want to be with him that night because I miss him.
When I got home, I cried. I don’t know how to feel. I feel like I have all the bad emotions in the world. Scared because I had to go home alone. Sad because he thought I don’t deserve the second chance he gave me. Disappointed because he said I made his night worst. Betrayed because he doesn’t spare me a little of his understanding. Everything’s mixed up that I found myself crying…crying…crying…because that’s the only thing I can do. To cry.
But I don’t know how he did it. He cast a spell bounding sorry that made me forgot all the pains and the hurts I have against him. And he won me back.
Did you mean the things that you say?, I asked.
Do you want me to let go?
No.
His answer was too short to be that powerful.
“I kept you because you’re my friend.” Did you mean this?
Yes.
So, am I at par with your engineering barkadas?
Yes, and you’re my best friend.
I like the term “best friend” more than being at par with his engineering barkadas. So, am I not your special friend anymore?
When we say your my best friend that means you are special.
No. It’s different. They’re not synonymous. You want to know why?
Yeah, tell me why.
When we say I am your best friend, it’s like the song You Belong With Me. “Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you, been here all along…” But a special friend is not your best friend, and not your lover. She is someone midway. So, where do I stand?
Can I say you’re both?
Yes. I was expecting that as your answer.
Why?
Nothing really. Maybe because I think I am both.
Good night, pangeet! 
